Now, how many times are you out of control? Things aren’t going so well. You’re a bit overwhelmed…!

Bills overwhelming? The spouse getting to you? Your kids are driving you batty? Lindsay Lohan hit another tree? Aaak!

Here’s a wonderful NLP technique that my clients have used successfully that will get you back on track.

1. Think about a problem spiraling out of control, anchor with a circular motion like a spiral going out (from the inside out). So, for instance, you are overwhelmed with bills piling up on your desk. Think about the problem and really get into it so you can feel the pain of the overwhelming-ness. Take your left hand and hold it flat and with the right index finger touching the center of your palm — as you are feeling that feeling — anchor that feeling by making a spiraling motion, starting with the center of your palm… going outwards.

2. Next, think of a time that something seemed out of control and they were able to solve the problem with time. So, perhaps there was a time in your life when things were “out of control”, but — eventually — you got a handle on the problem and it was solved. Anchor it with the spiral going inward by drawing it on your hand from the outside in.

3. Now, think of the original problem again and draw the spiral going from the outside in (as in Step 2).

So, what does this do?

In Step 1, you are creating an anchor on your palm to the “overwhelming” feeling. Then, you are creating another anchor (a reverse of the first one) to the feeling of “getting back into control” of a situation. Finally, you are collapsing the first anchor by thinking of the initial feeling and using the second anchor to, essentially, nullify it.

Now, test it: Try to reproduce the initial feeling of being overwhelmed. Is it still as strong? Is it less intense? Is it “neutral”?

If it is still intense, just repeat the exercise. It’ll work.

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This NLP technique allows you to stay resourceful when you’re criticized, whether it’s at home at work or with friends.

This enables you to use criticism as feedback to improve your relationships.

1. See yourself, in front of you. That self in front of you is going to learn a new approach to criticism, while you watch from the outside. Do whatever you need to do to feel detached from that self. You can see that self farther away, in black & white or behind Plexiglas, etc.
2. Watch & listen as that self gets criticized and instantly dissociates. There are several ways that self can surround him/herself with a Plexiglas shield when criticized. Or, that self can see the words of criticism printed within a cartoon balloon, etc. That self uses one of these methods to keep feeling neutral or resourceful.
3. Watch as that self makes a slide or movie of what the criticizer is saying. What does that person mean? Does that self have enough information to make a clear, detailed picture? If no, gather information. If yes, proceed…
4. Have that self decide on a response. For example, that self can agree with any part of the criticism that you agree with. Or, that self could apologize, saying, “I’ll give it some serious thought”, or, “I see things differently now”, etc.
5. Does that self want to use the information you got from the criticism to act differently next time? If so, have that self select a new behavior. That self will then imagine using the new behavior in detail in the future. Next, that self can step into this movie of using the new behavior to feel what it’ll be like.
6. Having watched that self go through this entire strategy, do you want this for yourself? If no, ask inside how you can modify this strategy so that it fits for you. If yes, continue…
7. Thank that self for being a special resource to you in learning this strategy. Now pull that self into you, feeling him/her fill you so that this knowledge becomes fully integrated into you.

For more NLP techniques, read the NLP Toolbox Review.